Journal entry: February 25, 2023

In so many ways, I saw You as a means to an end… A way to get what I so desperately wanted but was too effed up to acquire on my own: A family, a sense of belonging, a home.

If I acquired that—with your help—my life would be good. Healthy. Pure.

If I could learn all the ways to behave and wave all my religious flags, I’d feel worthy.

You’re not a means to an end. YOU ARE THE BEGINNING AND THE END.

You are the Source and Purpose of life.

I’ve chased the wind and it’s blown me over, but You’re where I’ve landed: Here all along.

My life is a mist. I release all the stress, the toiling, the scheming and open my hands and heart to receive You.

Your love. The gift of loving You in return.

Every good and perfect gift comes from you. Thank You.

I’ve looked for You in all the wrong places; Imagined You twisted up in all those masked faces but You are the Only Thing that’s real.

You’re HERE, You’re Love & I’m Yours—and that is MORE than enough.

Hosea 2:14, 15 ” But then I will win her back once again. I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her there. I will return her vineyards to her and transform the Valley of Trouble into a gateway of hope. She will give herself to me there, as she did long ago when she was young, when I freed her from her captivity in Egypt.”